train of

I just feel like I'm always bothering you. When I think about what I want to tell you it comes out perfectly. But thinking it and actually saying it are pretty different. I think I'm thinking way too much and I should just say it. The only thing keeping me from telling you is your reaction. Actually, if you gave me some bad news, that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. At least then I'd be able to get it off my chest and move on. I swear to (if there is a) GOD I'm gonna look back at this and laugh. On the surface she's this giddy, pretty, laughs-at-her-own-corny-jokes-person. (which btw is one of the cutest things about you.) But on the inside (I'm guessing, since I've yet to meet that part of you) you seem like this really intelligent, complex, fragile, girl. Haha who is constantly on the prowl for hot (Tony Tave looking) guys. I find you extremely interesting. It's ironic that you're attracted to mysterious men, but even you are a walking, talking, breathing, enigma. If you didn't mind I'd like to get to know the "real" (gaycliche, I know) you, and not the front you portray day in and day out, to strangers, friends, quite possibly family, etc. I bet you can't tell that I've thought about this for quite a while now. (sarcasm online never works) You're probably assuming who I'm talking about, and if you're not you probably are now after reading this sentence. That's great. Because when you find out who I'm talking about I want to be there to see your reaction. You know what's so perfect? That this is how far it's ever gonna get: a blog. She'll live life not knowing that we have the potential to be something amazing. I hope nobody reads this. Hahaha they'll probably think I'm crazy. CRAZYTWISTATTHEEND: She's not even really my type. Giggidy Giggidy.
"(3:05:04 AM): okk"